Reminder of the Coming Chartreusecalypse

As was chronicled previously in this space, Jackie Patterson will be at Rob Roy guest bartending this evening. She has prepared a menu of original cocktails featuring the various wonderful forms of Chartreuse. Chartreuse Brand Ambassador Todd Richman and Chartreuse President Jean Marc will also be present and showering us all with love.

(Editor's note: report of love showers are unconfirmed and mere hearsay at this point in time.)

Rob Roy is at 2332 2nd Ave (corner of 2nd and Battery). Festivities begin at 6pm. Come early and stay long.




Also, on Tuesday the 13th from 1-3pm, Vessel will host a Chartreuse luncheon. This event is open and FREE to members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild (WSBG). You may become a member of the WSBG by going to their web site. The event will feature tastings, cocktails, food, and a badger with a gun.

(Editor's note: reports of badgers with guns at the Vessel luncheon are unconfirmed, unsubstantiated, and pretty stupid.)

Vessel is located at 1312 5th Ave (between Union and University on 5th). Those who are late do not get fruit cup.

Come join us for these events, or else some of us will cry and others of us will kill you.

love,
t.mixeur

Chartreuse Universe

-
In the words of the immortal Trouble Funk, "whatcha gonna do?"

And in the words of the immortal crowd at the Trouble Funk show, "Let's get small!"

Allow me to repeat...

"Whatcha gonna do?"
"Let's get small!"

Folks, let's gather at Rob Roy in Seattle this coming Monday evening the 12th of October, drink some Chartreuse, and get small.

Last time I drank Chartreuse I got tiny. No one could see me. It made me giggle.

Stream of consciousness interjection: In one of the most unexpected and possibly unwanted explosions of spontaneous publicity in the annals of cinematic gore-fest history, copious amounts of Chartreuse were consumed by the mind-blowingly creepy Quentin Tarantino and several nubile young women in Mr. Q's film, "Deathproof." As some of the nubile women choked and demanded to know what foul potion "Warren" had coerced them to consume, "Warren" simply cackled and proclaimed Chartreuse to be the only liquor so good they named a color after it. A few scenes later, the women's car was torpedoed by Kurt Russel's deathmobile, and the filmmaker treated us to several re-creations of the crash from a variety of angles in order to fully illustrate how their limbs were ripped from their bodies and organs dredged from their torsos.

Somewhere, off in the hills of France, a monk harvested herbs...




In honor of the late, great, stand-up career of Mr. Steve Martin, I always like to start off any blog post by writing one thing that is, in fact, impossible. And for tonight's impossible feat, I will bring the previous words on Deathproof and Trouble Funk and monks in hills full circle and explain how this is all relevant to discerning drinkers and fun seekers in the greater Seattle area. And I will do this with a mere 5 words. 5 precious words...

Jackie Patterson at Rob Roy

Jackie Patterson at Rob Roy. And Chartreuse president Jean Marc and Chartreuse brand ambassador Todd Richman as well. This will happen this coming Monday, October 12th, from 6-11pm. Trust me. You need to be here for this.

jackie p. sips the yellow stuff

I love Jackie. Sure, I could sit here and spill about her resume, her successes, her bona fides, and you'd no doubt sit back in your arm chair or bar stool (careful please when sitting back in bar stools) and say something pithy along the lines of "damn." But that's boring stupid shit I like to let other boring stupid people talk about. Instead let me illustrate in a way most me...

When I was 5, I was all set to head to my friend John's house. It had all been arranged by our parents. These days they'd call it a play date but in dem's days we called it chillin. As we prepared to depart, my feet turned cold and I told my mother I didn't want to go, as I feared John was too loud a person to make the day a success. Certainly I couldn't spend an afternoon with such a loud boy without negative ramifications. My mother said she was certain John couldn't be as loud as all that.

Feeling the urgency of the need to fully express to this woman exactly what laid in store for me should she sentence me to an afternoon with loud John, I explained to her as such: "If the sun and the moon could sing, John could sing louder."

Folks, the point is, should the sun and the moon bathe themselves in Chartreuse, then radiate and reflect all its herbal glory, they would be obscured by the shadows of what Ms. Jackie Patterson can and will do with the same resources at her disposal. And so, shunning sun and moon, Zane Harris and Anu Apte have asked Jackie to create a Chartreuse solar system, and it's axis will be ever so slightly behind that black, space-like bar at Rob Roy.

This solar system will involve drinks that found their origin in the light of Jackie for each form of Chartreuse - green, yellow, green V.E.P., yellow V.E.P., and elixir vegetal.

Stream of consciousness interjection: I wanna do shots of the elixir vegetal with Quentin and meet Kurt Russel in a field in Vauvert, settle this like men while the monks harvest herbs in the distance.

I love Chartreuse. Oh sure I could sit here and spill about the history of Chartreuse and it's bona fides and awards it probably won. But that's boring stupid shit I'll let other boring stupid people talk about. Let the greatness of Chartreuse be pronounced via two means:

1) the great Anu Apte created a drink based on my love of Chartreuse. It was called the TLC - Ted Loves Chartreuse - until I proclaimed my love for the TLC. At that point it was re-named the TLTLC - Ted Loves Ted Loves Chartreuse. I love the TLTLC. Which I would imagine makes it the TLTLTLC...and so Chartreuse and Anu and I go into infinity. Dig?

(TL) (TL) (TL) TLTLC

2 ounce rye
1/2 ounce green chartreuse
1/4 ounce apricot liqueur

stir and strain, hand to Ted

2) Left Coast Libations, that ground breaking book written by the amazingly non-terrestrial Ted Munat, aka me, features no less than eight (8) drinks with Chartreuse in them. Drinks range from tall, effervescent, tequila based drinks from Duggan McDonnell to stiff, rye-based drinks from Erik Hakkinen. Such is the versatility of the favored shot of Warren and the deathproof gals.

Here's one of my favorites, created by one my favorites, Mr. Kelley Swenson of ten01 in Portland, OR.

Toto

3/4 ounce green Chartreuse
3/4 ounce Cynar
3/4 ounce reposado tequila (Kelley often uses El Jimador, but Cazadores also works like a mutha fucka!)

stir and serve up, no garnish
a shared creation of Kelley and Timothy Davey of Beaker and Flask. The same drink with gin instead of tequila is also delicious and Kelley calls it a Broken Flower. I made it once at home and my mixing glass cracked and fell to pieces as I stirred. That's bad ass. And Kelley still owes me a mixing glass.

So please, come to Rob Roy this coming Monday, October 12th, round about 6pm. We don't care who you are or what you do, we don't care if you're poor or rich, guild or non-guild, left handed or right handed, Warren or nubile young woman. Whoever you are, we just want to create something beautiful for you. Can you just give us the pleasure of this one simple act? I'll be there cleaning up after Jackie, a task I seize with unmitigated passion. I am, for one night, custodian of this blessed Chartreuse stained universe.

Yeah. Come. See you there. Bye.

Rob Roy, Cointreau, And The Continuing Saga Of The WSBG

This coming Tuesday, September 22nd, Cointreau Brand Ambassador Erin Williams will be at Rob Roy at 2nd and Battery in Belltown from 3-5pm. Erin will talk about Cointreau, new cocktail trends, and her favorite fall drinks. Free appetizers and free Cointreau cocktails will be served.





This event is exclusively for members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild. Why, you may ask, am I publicizing an event that is members only? Simple, stupid! We the members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild want you the non-members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild to become we the members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild! Let's get a little unity here. There's too much "we" and "they" in this world people. Let's eradicate these divisions that separate us and inevitably lead to conflict and despair. And let's do it in the most holistic manner possible: by THEY joining WE...by YOU joining US.

When Gandhi said "we must become the change we hope to see in the world," what he meant was "join the Washington State Bartenders Guild." When Martin Luther King said, "The time is always right to do the right thing," he was saying the same. When John Lennon said "I am the walrus" ...well...anyone know what the hell he was talking about there? Sure the hell wasn't anything about a bartenders guild.

Anyway, you don't have to be a professional bartender to join the guild. It is a guild of both professionals and enthusiasts. You can sign up easily online. If you'd joined the guild when it formed in 2008, by now you could have attended the WSBG kickoff party, at which delicious cocktails were served for free by some of the area's best bartenders and all sorts of folks got the chance to meet one another.

There was also the Absinthe event, at which Gwydion Stone (Absinthe Marteau , The Wormwood Society) and Paul Clarke (Imbibe Magazine, SF Chronicle, etc.) spoke to a standing room only crowd prior to serving free Absinthe cocktails and tastings of Absinthe from Marteau, Pacifique, Leopold Brothers, Lucid, Pernod, St. George, Taboo, and Trillium).

Then came the vermouth event, which I missed out on sadly, but let's just say I found myself in the general vicinity of Zane and Anu's refrigerator a few times in the weeks after the event (ever wonder how many bottles of vermouth can fit into one fridge? I don't anymore).

There also was the Maker's Mark luncheon at Zig Zag, when we were joined by Mr. Maker's Mark himself, Bill Samuels. Bill treated us all to lunch while Murray Stenson and Erik Hakkinen made us drinks. Bill gave a talk about the history of Maker's Mark, handed out signed bottles of his bourbon, and asked me what part of Ireland I am from. "County Connecticut" I replied.

And there have been other events that I either was too drunk to remember or were kept secret from me and other Munats for obvious reasons centered on the community's general loathing of us. Oh, and there was also Ben's Magnum PI/Coors Light birthday party and Jim's Soul Train birthday party. Those weren't really guild events but you never know, if you were in the guild maybe you would have been invited.

Now is an excellent time to join the guild. In addition to this event, there will be an evening at Rob Roy October 12th with Chartreuse president Jean Marc and guest bartender Jackie Patterson (Jackie Patterson!!!) of Heaven's Dog in San Francisco. The following afternoon there is a Chartreuse luncheon at Vessel (more info on both these events will be provided in this space in coming weeks). And there are many talks and plans afoot for other events, both grande and piccolo.

And aside from the events, becoming part of the guild is a great way to support the art of the cocktail and the highest form of craft bartending. You do this by becoming a part of this community and lending your brains, heart, and occasionally a few smackers. I forget how much dues are but I know it's more than 50 dollars and less than 10 million. The money you spend goes to a good cause and your investment will be repaid to you ten fold in the form of free events and new pals. Just don't make me one of your new pals because you will - and I want to make this very, very clear - you will end up buying me drinks...and loaning me money I don't ever pay back. And I will sleep with your wife (or husband) and just basically screw you over. So to recap: join the guild, go to free events, make new friends...avoid Ted Munat at all costs.

You can sign up for the guild by going to their web site, and I'll bet if you show up at Rob Roy Tuesday between 3 and 5pm and say you want to join they can hook you up.

How was my sales pitch? See you there?

Le Mixeur 737 est Le Mixeur Mémoires

.

Le Mixeur 737 est Le Mixeur Bye Bye

Saturday, August 29, 2009, 7:37pm

Le Mixeur Deux, Le Mixeur Trois, Le Mixeur Quatre, and Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph were all held in a special house, a house where the Mixeur Magique blossomed and pollenated and scattered its seeds.

Our host for these blessed times, LeLa Mixeur, is moving away from this home, and so we're going to christen it goodbye with one last, fading stab at glory, also known as Le Mixeur 737.




We'll do this like we used to. We will provide the cocktails, the dance floor, and the warmth. You Mixers bring your creativity and your most spirited persona and, in concert with your fellow Mixers, shape the evening as you will.

Yours truly will be behind the bar, along with trusty pal Jon Santer, and we will make drinks as if our lives depended on it, because quite frankly, they just might. Drinks will be available for the can't-be-beat price of $4 each. They will likely include:

Danubian Plain - cognac, muscat, st. germain, lemon, orange bitters, berries.

A creation of T.Mixeur's highly thought of at Le Mixeur Quatre.

Give Me Your Hand - pisco, madeira, cointreau, pomegranate liqueur.

Another popular T.Mixeur creation from Le Mixeur Quatre

Dragon Variation - martin millers gin, dolin blanc vermouth, house made thai chili tincture.

Mr. Santer's contribution to both Left Coast Libations and Le Mixeur Six.

Badminton Club - martin millers gin, lime, mint, cucumber, simple syrup.

A classic cocktail introduced to me recently by Evan Zimmerman of Laurelhurst Market in Portland.

(Drink options subject to change, but you get the idea).

Out of respect to the privacy of the residents of our Mixeur home, I cannot publish the street address in this space. Please email t(dot)mixeur(at)gmail(dot)com for this information.

Bring your instruments, your vocal chords, your spinning and swirling limbs, your frantic hearts, and your thirst!

We long for one last chance to adore you.

T.Mixeur

C'est Officiel ! Anu Apte + Zane Harris = Rob Roy

Or A+Z=RR if you ARE into the whole brevity thing...


(Editor's full disclosure: the author has long been engaged in a torrid yet platonic love affair with Anu Apte and Zane Harris, and therefore proclaims no semblance of objectivity with regards to the following report...We would also endeavor to mention that the following report will be devoid of journalistic integrity, but for those of you who have so much as stolen a glimpse of this blog in the past, this disclaimer would seem to be redundant at best, moronic at worst.)

That all said...

Anu Apte and Zane Harris are the two greatest bartenders on planet earth, the world's two greatest visionaries with regards to how to create the perfect bar, and nothing short of gods in the realm of pleasing their customers. It is therefore a foregone conclusion that a trip to a bar owned by these two warriors for all that is good and sacred will certainly, without variation, provide one with an orgiastic experience so transcendent in its sublimity and so lubricious in its boundlessness, that it will undoubtedly leave one quivering and quaking with unmitigated joy, alternating moments of doubt at one's ability to withstand such delight with rapturous yieldings to the wise, benevolent force that is so much greater than all of us: Anu and Zane.

So, isn't it a stroke of good luck then that they got their own damn bar?

After many fits and starts and highs and lows and maniacal cackling and hysterical sobbing and visions and nightmares and pink fluffy bunnies with fangs and clowns on acid and beat poets playing rugby and unleavened bread dipped in chutney and crazy old ladies with baguettes and packets of mayonaise eating on city buses and victimless crimes involving domesticated bison and many other things too numerous to list in this space...Anu and Zane finally own Motherfuckin Rob Roy!

(Editor's note: "motherfuckin" was added by the author for dramatic effect. The name of the bar is simply "Rob Roy.")

So where's that leave us?

Tonight Anu and Zane will be debuting a new cocktail menu made up entirely of classics such as the Gin Sling and Old Fashioned, with utmost attention to details and the proper making of each drink. This menu will only be a stopgap, however, until they unleash a full cocktail BOOK. This BOOK will be thrust upon the populace after a period of renovation is completed, most likely at the end of this month/beginning of the next. The "rich uncle's basement bar," or "70s playboy lounge" or "freaky Belltown condo-owning perv" feel of the space will be kept, with a few upgrades and repairs. The bulk of the renovations will be behind the bar, including a rebuild of the wells, removal of the beer taps, removal of the soda guns, new glassware, and a brand stinkin' new Kold Draft Ice machine.

(editor's note: "stinkin" is a slang term. The Kold Draft machine will, in fact, be odorless)

There will be many more updates and revelations to come. Stay tuned...

In the mean time, get thee to Rob Roy at 2nd and Battery in Seattle. Things will only get better and better with each passing day and each improvement made, so upon arrival consider yourself on a launch pad. Lasso that rocket and ride it like you were Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove with the film going in reverse!

Oh and order mucho cocktails while you're lassoing there, Tex.

Joyeux Anniversaire Monsieur Stenson!

This coming Sunday, July 26th, in Seattle, WA, USA, many of the most wonderful cocktail souls of the Northwest will gather together to honor that immortal mentor to so many of us, Murray Stenson. Apparently the occasion is the anniversary of his birth, which our sources tell us occurred "a number of years ago."

Folks will come together at sensational Seattle dining spot Elemental for a multi-course meal, featuring apertif and digestif cocktails created by Portland's Evan Zimmerman of Laurelhurst Market and Dave Shenaut of Teardrop Lounge, along with wine pairings chosen by Elemental co-owner Phred Westfall, who happens to be a genius when it comes to this. In addition to the usual cast of characters from Seattle, we're looking forward to being joined by Jeffrey Morgenthaler and Daniel Shoemaker from Portland, and, god and border patrol willing, David Wolowidnyk of Vancouver, B.C.

Seating for the dinner is extremely limited. So limited, in fact, that there is none. However, all are free to join in after dinner, around 9pm, for post-meal cocktails and shameless fraternizing. This is, indeed, the portion of the evening yours truly will be present for, once the evil wheat-infested food has been safely cleared away. Give me a PB&J on spelt bread and a Red Stripe and I'm ready for Murray Birthday Cocktail Hour!

There is no guarantee, however, that Murray will stick around much after dinner. There's really only so much adulation the man can take in one evening, and considering the mind-boggling cast of butt-kissers that have been assembled for this dinner, he'll probably be pretty maxed out by 9pm. Sadly, Murray still clings to the illusion that free will exists, so he tends to come and go as he pleases. We once attempted to get him to stay longer than he wanted by super-gluing his trousers to his chair. We failed to recognize, however, that Murray is the sort who shan't hesitate to drop his pants in public, particularly when escape from the Munat Brothers is at stake.

My brother Charles is the orchestrator of this event, and deserves praise for putting it together, not to mention shock and awe for having gotten Murray to agree to this. Apparently, Murray's approval was only secured when it was agreed to make this event a fund raiser for the Washington State Bartenders Guild. So 34 people will fork over a cool chunk of change for dinner in the laps of the guild, plus whatever comes in for drinks later. Well done Murray! We can throw a Mixeur with all that money!

Speaking of which, why not mention and honor this event's fine and honorable sponsors? Yes, why not? They are William Grant and Sons, Makers Mark, and something called...Marteau?

For those of you unable to attend the dinner who would like to join in for cocktails, meet me at Oliver's Twist around 7pm. We'll have some cocktails there and engage in my favorite hobby, harassing Robert Detchon Rowland! I'll bring the spelt bread PB&J's.

Happy Birthday Murray!

photo from NY TImes used entirely without permission. Ha ha!

UPDATE: an anonymous tip just came in. Our analysts are still working it over, but it appears to be a...cocktail menu? Yes, a cocktail menu! We are now authorized to state with at least 85% certainty that this is the actual cocktail menu for the event!

N.S. Pimm's
Pimms, Cucumber Soda, Ginger Juice

The Pilar
Rum, Grapefruit, Lime, Creme de Violette

Blue Moon
Clear Creek Slivovitz, Zwack, Lime, Honey Syrup, Lavender Mescal

Jerez Collins
Hendrick's, Amontillado Sherry, Lemon, Sugar, Orange Bitters

AKA Burro Punsch
Milagro Reposado, Batavia Arrak, Carpano Antica Formula,
Amaro Nardini, Ginger Liqueur

The Double Windsor
Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum, Orgeat, Orange Juice, Campari,
Marteau Absinthe

Loretto Noir
Maker's Mark, Amaro Montenegro, Pimento Dram


whoooop-paaa!

Obligatory Blog Post Proudly Proclaiming The Author's Imminent Voyage To Tales

True debauchery is liberating because it creates no obligations. In it you possess only yourself; hence it remains the favorite pastime of the great lovers of their own person.

- Albert Camus

Hey, wait a minute. That sounds like a knock on debauchery. But never fear, dear ones, the great Albert also spoke thus:

Your successes and happiness are forgiven you only if you generously consent to share them.

And so, we all shall go to New Orleans, and we shall generously consent to share our debaucheries, and in so doing our happiness shall be forgiven, even by the notoriously grumpy Monsieur Camus.

Brace yourself, children. Tales Of The Cocktail is upon us.